Going public.

The purpose of a blog is to allow a space for expression. A space for random ideas, deep thoughts, retrospection and also sudden mind spasms.

I started blogging when I was 16. Or was it 15? Anyway, it's been nearly 7 years since that day I took a bold step into being tech savvy (or at least I thought I was being tech savvy, and to be fair, I started blogging way before the blogging fad hit Malaysia :P).

I used to keep a diary. I had two. The first one, a green and blue book with pictures of cartoon fishes and a heart shape lock and key. The second one, a red Hello Kitty one with a heart shape lock and key too. They were extremely small and hard to write in. I started the first one when I was 9, wrote in pencil and had huge ass handwriting and I wrote so religiously I filled up the entire teensy book within 6 months. The second diary was written in pen. Blue pen. Writing in pen sucks because I swear my hand has a life of its own and loves writing before my brain can think. So the second diary was filled with many crossed out words and blotchy correction liquid spots. But I took pride in my diaries. They were my personal space, my non-living confidante that allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings. I took pride in decorating the pages. Glitter pens, coloured pens, Keropi the Frog stickers, dried leaves and cut outs of pictures that I thought I looked good in. :P

I wrote in such an honest way. The occurences of my life written in detail. Names, dates, feelings, places, there was nothing to hide because no one would know. But then I started writing less frequently and eventually lost the key to the lock -___- .

At first blogging was fun. The hidden attention whore in me revelled in the idea that my writings were being viewed by the public. It made it seem like whatever I had to say, however little it may be, meant something. My thoughts were out there. And somehow, it made it seem like they mattered. Then blogging evolved into a medium for my friends to be updated on my life. It was a way to keep in touch. But now, I feel so exposed. My thoughts are no longer private and I cannot write as freely as I would like to. Every entry that served as a emotional release for me had to be written in some sort of cryptic way, so I can express myself without revealing too much. It seems to me that blogging, has somehow lost its purpose.

But then again, it is only public because I make it public. Perhaps I should start a private blog where I can be more honest and open about myself without stirring anyone's sensitivities.

I also realise that I no longer blog about my daily routines. Well to be fair, my daily routine these days are hardly worth mentioning. Infact I can sum it up with two words.

Sleep.

Bum.

However today I did go out. Hurray!! I watched Star Trek because everyone was saying it was awesome and yes, it was awesome. Captain James Tiberius Kirk is quite the hawt. The dude that played Spock still exuded too much Sylar-ness for me to believe that he's actually a good guy. I was half expecting him to do that finger brain slicing thing in every scene he was in. The dude just looks too bad ass and should play bad ass villian roles forever. I think Kirk makes a really quirky name for a pet Goldfish. :D Oh, and what's up with the female crew wearing mini skirts? Typical American film sexing things up for their audience. I couldn't help rolling my eyes. It's a battleship for goodness sakes. This is where Battlestar Galactica rocks. It's realistic and the females wear pants and can kick ass. Mini skirts? Pah.

I also had lunch in Zanmai Sushi with Sean and Ian today. Actually I had lunch at home but Ian was hungry and Sean suggested Zanmai Sushi. I welcomed the idea because I passed the place while walking to the cinema to meet them and was fantasizing about Salmon Sashimi. Sean practically ordered every freaking thing on the menu. I love my cousins because we share the same passion for food. Infact the whole day was spent talking about food and how much we love them. Salted egg butter crabs, lamb burger, roast chicken, tortilla, pasta, roti bakar cheese. Wargh.