Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Alright. First day of classes done. Verdict? I think I can actually like this. Yesh. Oh well, maybe too early to judge but yeah good feelings, good nice feelings coming my way. I'm all hyped. I actually like Econs. I think it's pretty interesting. Kenny's skeptical and he says that I like it cos they're currently teaching all the basics and I actually understand it. Well darling, I have lotsa faith and I believe I'll actually like Econs. HAH! I can't wait to start my assignments man. Yeah! I wanna work! After being idle for 6 months it feels so good to actually sit down and learn and know that you're gonna be smarter after that. Yeay! Amelia's gonna get smarter! Hip hip HOORAY!!!But I must say I kinda miss Sciences. I mean passing all the anatomy lab and cold room makes me just wanna barge in and feel like a science student again. But no regrets la. This shall be my path to success.
I had 2 tutorials and 1 lecture today. Accounting and Econs. Nothing much on Accounting yet but gosh I found out today that we have to buy this software for our assignments at RM225! Like blardy expensive right? And the books are friggin expensive too. X(
Met some of my new classmates today. Didn't really get to know them well. Everyone's still really shy and all I guess. But it's all good, got to know a few peeps that I think are pretty interesting. I even found people that I can give my A-Level books too! Yeay! And I'm really happy to know that we're not the oldest farts around in class. Phew! But then again it doesn't make much difference. Oyeah lotsa Taylor's SAM people wei. It's like a quarter of the peeps from the college enrolled in Monash. Eeeekk! What happened to the A-Level people?!
Oyeah and I found a new car-pooling mate! Yeay! Yesh yesh...things seem to be going on pretty swell at the moment. *cross fingers*
Got class tomorrow! Can't wait to get this week over and done with so I can finally settle down and do some serious work!
I'm so pumped!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
So much for maturity. This is one post that's gonna contradict my last post. Ahahahaha! But what the heck!I was in Strawberry Heaven today. Yesh! Sg.Wang has this place that sells strawberry shaped products. Truly a paradise for strawberry lovers like moi. XD I'm soooooo happy!!!!!!!!
Have you seen so many strawberry stuff in your entire life?!
Argh! This is bliss! I want all of them. Now you know what to get me for my birthday, christmas or just any day. ;D
I don't know how this fetish came about. It just happened. One day I just went crazy lunatic over strawberry stuffs. Gosh. I can spot them yards away! Too bad it's so expensive. I saw this really nice mat that cost 46 buckaroos. They have those accessories for your car, you know back cushion, seat belt cover, rear mirror band, tissue box cover. And they even have a strawberry bean bag! Gargh!! I want!!!!!!!!!
Strawberry bean bag! Can you see the mirror and curtains behind?
Anyway I've always wanted a strawberry shaped handphone accessory for my handphone but the one I thought that was really pretty is half the size of my handphone and it cost 29 bucks. X( And the smaller one, though way cheaper looks like some mutated strawberry creature thingamajig. Saddened and disappointed I walked to another corner selling t-shirts and my eyes fell upon the cutesy-est thing EVER!
Everyone! Meet Berry Sue the Happy Wappy Strawberry Seal!
And yesh Berry Sue is female because she's too adorable to be anything male. And she's a southern seal chick and speaks with a southern american accent.
Berry Sue is kinda huge. It's actually a handphone accessory and although Chenn was skeptical of me buying it and actually using it, I bought it anyhow. Who could resist her seal-ly charm? I told Chenn I'll somehow find a place for her to stay.
And I did!
Berry Sue chilling in my lil ol Kenari, rocking back and forth to say hi everytime I stomp on the brakes. XD
Chenn wanted me to name it Seally at first. Eeeekkkk!!! How orginal.
Ahh....another very accomplished day. Watched Brokeback Mountain with Chenn and shrieked at every making out scene. It's just so wrong la. Reviews later. Tired now.
Cya later people! Berry Sue loves y'all!
Friday, February 24, 2006
Somebody just told me that I had the maturity of a pea. How bitchy can a person get? Do you know how small is a pea ah? Blardy hell. I'm insulted. Ahahahahah! But no worries I'm in a jolly good mood today. Nothing can bring it down. Not even insulting my intelligence. Because I know better. I guess when you've reached that certain level of maturity, you just don't bother that much anymore. Why do I even need to feel like I must justify anything? I'm too mature for all that lah. Heh. And who's to say pea size maturity ain't alot? Ahahahah! Gee, I'm hilarious! But really this is the first time anyone has ever been so bitchy to me. A total stranger summore. I mean Amelia's all sugar and spice and everything nice right? Well reality check. Maybe I'm not all that likable. Eeeepp! No la I don't care lah. *waves hand*Anyway I'd like to tell everyone I'm damn mature! I'm DAMN MATURE DAMMIT! And it's no size of a blardy PEA! It's a freaking watermelon! Make that TWO! Yeah two huge ass watermelons. Yeah that's how mature I am. Hmph.
But on a more serious note, being child-like doesn't mean I lack maturity. Aiyoh what's so darn wrong with acting like a carefree child and being all whacked? Why do kids nowadays want to grow up so fast? You can't measure maturity by the way a person talks, it's the way they think for pete sakes. Don't judge me if you don't know me. Yeap.
Anyway I bought a computer table from IKEA and I assembled it all by my lil old self! I screwed in every screw and I hammered in every 'paku'. Wooohooo! I'm so proud of myself. *beams at computer table* Oh oh and I rearranged the furniture in my room and it looks so spacious now!! Wheeeee! But of course my bedside table is still kinda messy cos I dumped almost everything there. Heh. Will do it tomorrow. But yeah I feel very accomplished. Feel so ready for uni now! Yeay!
Alrighty. I'm tired. Need to sleep.
Ciao lovely people.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Today started off late but it was great. I was supposed to wake up at 1 pm but I slammed my alarm clock shut and continued sleeping till 2.45pm. Heh.Called Chenn to see what she was up to. I wanted to get this baby-tee from Plastic that I've been eyeing for quite sometime. It's been calling out to me. So I just had to get it. Anyway she was free and we scattered off to 1 Utama to meet up with Pui Yee who's still working in Swatch. So me and Chenn bought tickets for Fun with Dick and Jane and then we went down to look for Pui Yee who finishes her shift at 5.30.
Met up with Pui Yee, bought my shirt. Pui Yee and me bought hair dye. I wanted to get a darker colour this time while she wanted the lightest colour available. Ahah! We wandered around aimlessly in 1Utama until Chenn told us Lingwei was working in some art gallery there. Visited Lingwei. Haven't seen that girl in such a long long time. Still looked the same to me though. Ran the same. Ahahahhaha.
Watched the movie. Cinema was freaking cold. Really funny movie. Jim Carey is the funny man la. XD Go watch it people. You will laugh. XD
Left 1 Utama with Chenn. Was suppose to send Chenn back and go to PY's place to dye our hair together gether but it started raining so darn heavily after the Kepong Toll. Argghh! My car's wiper sucks. I could barely see the road. We stopped at the Mcd's Drive Thru in Aman Puri to have dinner and to wait for the rain to stop. Twas' really nice. The crowd in the drive thru is so diverse. There was an indian family, a chinese family, a malay family, a group of teenagers, a few couples, a young couple with a baby. Don't know lah. Somehow I felt something really special there. Ahahahah okaylah I'm crapping.
Went back home and coloured my hair on my own. I'm waiting for it to be done as I'm blogging. XD Multitasking.
Uni Orientation starts tomorrrow. Getting mixed feelings. I'm excited cos I'm gonna meet new people but yet I'm kinda tired of creating small talks. You know...Hi my name is Amelia, what's yours? I don't mind being introduced to people but I'm shy you see so I hate stepping up to people to introduce myself. But my years in Leo has thought me to force myself to make the first move. Cos I can't stand awkward moments where nobody talks. Gotta do that all over again. *whimpers*
Okay it's time for me to wash my hair. Let's hope it turns out great. Gotta sleep early tonight. Let's hope I can do that too.
X/
Everything is back in place. I'm glad. Truly glad. I guess sometimes all it takes is just to humble that ego and see what you really want. Well I know I want this. Enough to make this work. But you got to want this as much too. Cos it takes two hands to clap. We'll set things right and make ourselves happy wappy okay? I love you.
And though I'm glad the storm is somewhat over, I must say that I've emerged with such precious knowledge. I've never felt so protected in my entire life and I have you people to thank. You've made me feel so loved. Thank you so much. For standing by me and listening to me ramble.For never judging. For being sincerely concern. For caring so much. I felt it. Thank you once again.
Chenn and Pui Yee...thanks so much for being just there. And for drinking with me. Ahah!*hugs*
Shan for all your advice and comforting words. And also for wasting your credit on me.
Zharif...so sorry for freaking you out at 3am in the morning. Thanks for the concern.
Elly the Belly for the camel joke and for the rescue. Ahah. Thanks man.
Julius, Phan Shean for being just concern. :)
Mom...ahahah...for being my mom. XD
Today is a good day. Spazzy wrote me a testimonial. I love you girl. I got an unexpected call from Fery. Awwwww.....gee...thanks for making me day.
Alrighty then. Time to make life good.
Friday, February 17, 2006
I will see pass this. I will emerge stronger and wiser. I will not let myself fall into darkness. I will love myself like no one can. Because I deserve that. From me. It's the least I can do for myself.It's not so bad. Sure I might stumble once in awhile. But I know what I want. I will not settle for anything less. I think I deserve it. It's not easy. I'm not gonna act like it is. But I will take every step at a time. I will prevail.
Bwahahahahhahahhahahahahhahhahahahhahahha!
Melia needs some lovin. Anyone who has extra can contribute my way. :)
Monday, February 13, 2006
Finally one of my bestest friend in the whole wide world has left my side for Melbourne. Spazzy just left 3 hours ago and I've been crying buckets ever since. Sigh I miss her already. Don't question my sexuality. I'm no lesbo. I love her but not THAT way. :) It feels kinda weird now. I know in my mind that she has already left Malaysia but yet I still feel like she's still here. Like I can call her out anytime for a round of shopping or a mamak session. Gosh. I miss her.
Okay I've decided to dedicate this post to Spazzy. And this is gonna be a long long post with lotsa pictures. Be warned.
Year 2004 marked the start of our great journey. A journey that involves horrendous traffic jams and waking up at ungodly hours. But we made the best of what we could. We would camp at the carpark and watch the sunrise while munching on our breakfast. Then we would joke about how romantic all this is and how sad we were because instead of having a boyfriend to share the moment with we're stuck with each other. After that we would take a nap, pillows, blankets and all. You know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. :)
We attended our first ever ball. Being all hyped and excited we did everything from our hair to our makeup and it was a disaster. I ended up looking like a made up cross breed between a poodle and a lion and you ended up with just scary looking make-up.
Our second ball was much better. Sophisticated and matured. Somewhat lah. XD
Don't be deceived by this picture. We are of the same height. I just bent my knee that's all. I'm not THAT short!
Then there were the emo periods. We laughed alot and cried alot. Things were messy but we stuck by each other. Creating an even stronger bond. The trip to Genting with that S2 gang was fun filled emo. Ahahah. But things were sorted out at last and things started getting better for us.
On the spinning cup with Gila Shan. :) The Happy 'Three' Friends in Genting. XD
Year 2005 marked a truly fun filled year. Stressed by exams but nothing could stop us from having fun too. We organised many surprise birthday parties. There was May's pool party. The mad shopping sprees and the wonderful dreamy IKEA trips!
So typical of us. Trying on the same design in different colours to see which one looks best. Sama size, sama buntut, sama taste. Yeay!
IKEA is our second home. At least we treat it like it's our second home. XD
We also introduced The Spaz and Tardy show to the people of Sunway and brought it to a whole new level with a theme song and an act. What can we say? We're born entertainers and creativity is a gift. XD
Spaz and Tardy turns to Hip Hop. The Christmas Special.
I guess we also have a knack for choosing really horrible hair-dos. Dah lah look mature, want to do aunty hairstyle summore.
Well at least we both look like rich aunties. *shrugs*
So many more memories but I still have alot of other pictures to post from today so let's just stop at the very aunty hair-dos. XD
Here are the pictures from today.
Meet up in Spazzy's place.....
Today's bonus was that I got to meet Shan after 6 whole months! Look how pretty she is! So feminine and sophisticated unlike the sakai I once knew in college. Actually she's still a sakai lar. A sophisticated one lar.
I love this picture. Looks so heavenly. All white and bright. Boob tribe reunited.
Still happy wappy! Spaz and Tardy loves vitagen!
At the airport, 2 hours from departure.....
Adorable Pui Yee, Angelic Me, Sexy Shan, Spazzy Sing Yieng, Doe-eyed Wan Feng.
Spaz and Tardy salutes!!
Spaz posing with the pressie that Me, Chenn and Kenny made for her. Kenny and me hand-made the box wei.
It's a scrapbook! It took us one whole month to finish. Can you spot my strawberry sticker. If you can't then you're blind! XP
I was so busy snapping pictures of Spazzy reading thru the book that I suddenly got emo.
And cried. Blotchy eye me still can smile for the camera. -_-'''
10 minutes before departure...
Chenn's turn to get emo. Giving dear Spazzy one last hug. That will last her for 10 months. XD
My last pic with Spaz for the next 10 months. *cries*
Chenn super emo-ing. The rest holding back tears. Final group shot.
Tears roll and it's time to go. Goodbye my friend.
2 hours after departure...
Dropped PY at SY's place to get her car. I saw Spaz's car and took a pic with it. (Yes Spaz I took a pic with your car. Heh! Miss you ma.)
Borrowed 'Sing Yieng' the Elephant from Kenny so I can hug it to sleep tonight. My eyes are puffy from all the sobbing.
Here are two pictures that I find very amusing...
One of the reasons why me and Spaz have gazillions of pictures is because we cannot pose 'normal' at the same time. Well I guess this two pictures balances everything out.
Fine I can't help it. I want to post one more picture.
Okay lah. I'll stop. I'll stop.
I'll end this with a picture of a lovely girl whom we all love....
Till we meet again darling gurl. Study hard and have fun! Amelia loves you. XD
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Here are pictures from Spazzy's Farewell. I hate Photobucket cos it doesn't let me copy and paste HTML anymore. Now if I wanna post pics I have to blog at Photobucket. Wargh!! Anyway here are the pictures....
Here is Spaz in her usual Spazzy fashion in my room.
At Friendster Cafe! Sing Yieng and Chenn looking darn blur while I look happy contented with my glass o' beer. XD
A toast to everlasting friendship. Truly a Carlberg ad moment. Just lacking background music.
People I grew up with. From mere teens to adults. From Pokka Coffee drinking adolescents to Carlsberg Beer drinking adults. Picture perfect moment.
Crashed at my place. Tipsy me hugging tipsy Spaz. Don't wanna let go!
After changing into MY pyjamas we started our camwhoring session.
Can you feel the love? We have too many pictures!
Kissies! Sigh. I'm sure gonna miss moments like these...
I'm gonna finish up Spazzy's going away pressie. She's leaving tomorrow. Sigh.
My heart is filled with dread.
The time has come to let go.
Every moment passing is filled with increasing awarenesss,
That she will no longer be around.
The laughter and the tears shed,
The memories of the past,
Etched deep in my mind,
Soothes my soul, calms my heart.
For a bond so strong will never break,
And in the end Friendship shall prevail.
It always does.
I'm so sappy. XD
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Phew! What a night. The gurls decided to sleep over at my place. They're dead asleep as I'm writing this. Sighhh. Looking at both of them sleep just makes me wonder what would life be for me if I never knew them..*smiles*Today we had a farewell gathering for Spazzy. Chenn organised it and all our old schoolmates were present. I didn't really feel that enthusiastic at first coz I'm not THAT close to them. I loved school but I never really REALLY clicked with these people although they have been there for that 5 years I was in school. We talked, we laughed, we played but somehow someway there wasn't really that strong a connection. Maybe it's the different wavelength. Who knows. I just wanted it to be really great for Spaz.
As I was sitting there watching them talk, eat, and laugh I can't help but feel nostalgic. Now I don't think I can say there wasn't any connection at all cos right there at that moment I felt so in touch with each and everyone of them. I realised that I somehow watched these people grow. I grew up with them. Like it or not it has been a good 5 years with them. Even more now that we're all out of school. I knew them since they were all lil 13 year olds. And look at them now. All different in their very own way but somehow still the same ole people I once knew. They were with me from my transition from a mere teen to now an adult. All of them now hitting the big 2-0 cept for Spazzy of course. When you think about it, it overwhelms you. It overwhelmed me and I saw something so beautiful in it, it made me wanna cry. It's so special. Almost magical. And it's an honour to be able to witness each and everyone of them grow. To have them still remember me, and actually care. I am thankful. Really thankful to have been on the same boat. I regret not having seen this earlier. I regret being so cooped up in my ideal world that I denied that they mattered. Now I realise that they do matter. They made me what I am today. Their role may not be of huge significance but nevertheless they left a mark. I could never thank them enough.
After the dinner at Caveman we went to Friendster Cafe for a few rounds of beer. It was really fun snapping pictures and laughing at each other's joke. I drank until I got quite tipsy. Chenn and SY were darn red. Kenny looked so blur and red that I was so worried for him. Coz he's the driver! Oyeah some drunk dood even wanted to pick a fight with him. Gosh. Thank goodness it's some misunderstanding. I was so darn freaked. I thought they were going to fight. XS Poor Kenny!
I'll post pictures up real soon. Seeing the babes sound asleep makes me feel like sleeping as well. Piggies!
Today was really great. I wish everyday was like today.
*smiles*
Friday, February 10, 2006
Sent Joo off. Won't be seeing her for 10 months.sadsadsadsadsadsadsadsadsad x(
I don't like parting. I hate it. I hate going to the airport to send someone away. Sigh.
I tried holding back tears but seeing her walk further and further away from us just made me think to myself- I won't be seeing that cute blur face for 10 months. Why oh why didn't I spend more time with her when she was still around. X( I gonna miss you Joo. *cries*
Sending her off made me think of the good ol day. Sigh. How I wish I can transport myself thru time and experience all those lovely moments all over again. Geez...I'm tearing as I'm writing this. The words are blurred. I'm so darn sappy and emotional. Sigh.
Sing Yieng's gonna leave in 3 days. 3 DAYS!!! I think I'm gonna kidnap her and lock her in my room. Why is everyone leaving me? *cries*
There were light moments as well. After sending Joo off we had to send Carolyn back home. And she lives in Klang. She said something about taking the Banting road back cos it links Klang to Kesas or something like that lah. So we took the Banting road. Gosh. The route to Klang sure was freaky. There were barely any street lamps. Even if there were they weren't working. After awhile we were travelling on a trunk road. No more spacious tar roads. Lotsa kampung houses. It felt like forever to reach Klang. And I was seriously hungry. Spotted a road signboard. We're just few minutes away from Tg. Sepat, Morib and we even passed Jenjarom. I was really tempted to ask Kenny to just pull over the nearest mamak joint. Or maybe stop by Tg.Sepat for some seafood. XD
Reached Klang. Food! Yeay! Carolyn brought us to Bukit Tinggi to makan! I was darn happy. I ordered a plate of roasted duck, beef noodles and satay. I was really hungry okay. XP Felt nostalgic in Klang as well. Saw a few landmarks I remember from my first attempt driving to Klang. I remembered Tesco and Bandar Botanic. Awwww....*proud* Dropped Carol at her place. Attempted to balik. Just Kenny and me. Saw the Kepong sign and rejoiced! People! Got Kepong sign in Klang wei! *proud* I love Kepong.
Raided Chenn's place to look for more food. Whacked new year cookies while watching the Grammy's. Hugged Chenn in glee when Chester from Linkin Park started singing with Paul McCartney. *swoons* Whacked more cookies. XD
Oh oh...Chenn's mom said I lost alot of weight! Woooohooooo!!!
I'm tired. Going to IKEA with Spazzy tomorrow.
Tata.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
*Yawnnnnn.....*Just woke up. Thank Goodness for that sleep. I only had 3 hours of beddiebye time yesterday. And STILL I wonder why can't I ever get rid of my eyebags. Sheesh. Female mentality. Really!
Today's outing was strictly female only. Met up with Xin Yi, Joo, Carolyn and May Suan at 1 Utama. I swear 1 Utama is now my second home. And you know what there's this scent in their toilets that makes you feel like you wanna pee. I sorta accustomed that scent to peeing. It's the Pee scent. Eau de Toillette at it's very orginal. Maybe they use the same kinda chemical in those puppy toilet breaking sprays. The puppy gets drawn to the same kinda Pee Scent and knows where to pee and poo. Yeah I'm a genius. Sometimes I wonder where I got my brain from. Heh.
Anyway I digressed. So yeah woke up at 9-ish to Spazzy's voice. She came pick me up and we together-gether went to IDP to certify her certs and what nots. I sat like a friggin idiot in the car while waiting for her. I don't get why some people are such busybodies. Well maybe it's because the Kenari has huge ass windows so you can basically see all that I'm doing. Every fidget, every twitch. But stop peering in already! Stop making me feel like a caged circus animal! *whimpers*
Anyway I was jolly happy when I saw Spazzy's round head popping out of IDP. *Wheeeeeee!!*
So on to 1 Utama. I banked in my angpow money. *smiles* The machine screwed up on me though. So two serious RHB doods came out to help me retrieve it. Woah the whole process of getting into the save was seriously tedious. Lotsa passwords and stuff. And me and Spazzy were hovering behind. Heh. So anyway they opened up the save and one dood looked at me and said
''Ah moi, tak boleh guna duit lima ringgit lar. Tak baca ke?''
That was possibly the most embaressing moment in my entire life. Dumb ah moi who never deposited money in a cash deposit machine screws up on her very first attempt. Not only that she had to trouble these two serious uncles to actually open up the save of the blardy machine to retrieve very GREEN five dollar notes. All 24 of them.
*DAMN MALU LARRRRRR!!!!!*
Anyway I did manage to bank in my money. Heh.
Xin Yi called and we went to MPH to meet her. Along the way to MPH I bought some really pretty bangles! *loves*
We had lunch in Dragon-I. The beef stew la mian there is really nice. You peeps should give it a try. Then we met up with Joo and Carolyn. We went shoe shopping for Xin Yi and they temaned me to get Kenny's anniversary pressie. Eheh. I'm so happy lar. I think my present is darn practical and it's something a person like him would appreciate. Yeay! Smart girlfriend.
Then May popped out of nowhere and all of us jalaned the entire 1 Utama.
Okay I feel like posting more pictures but they're all with Spazzy. The girl's got a new T9. I'll get it from her soon. *Oi I want those pictures okay!*
Anyway came back really tired. Watched American Idol and conked out.
*smiles*
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Here are the pics from CNY.....
The Gambling Nites....
My muddah and my aunt gambles too...
Ian looking over to see Ee Ven's card...playing Blackjack.
Apparently not so great cards....
Sean the Bunny Hair boy ain't winning money....sien larr...
Amelia goes cuckoo after losing too much money...
The Excessive Drinking....
I didn't even know I took this picture...I look darn drunk....such a camwhore..so drunk also remember to take selfshots. XP
The alcoholic in me.....XD
The Tan's Reunion....
Kenneth's got a dimple on his cheek just like me!
Christine and Me. See the resemblence?
Random picture..
I love this top...too bad mom didn't wanna pay for it. X(
END
I'm gonna say alot of random things. I have alot on my mind.
Today was mundane. Was suppose to go places but ended up stuck at home. Sigh. Oh well....at least I got to see Kenny much later at night. XD He bought a T9!!! Wheee!! And he said I lost weight! Double wheeeeee!!! Ahaks!
Wanna thank dear Zharif a.k.a Tahis for being such a great listener and a great friend. Thanks for layaning me even at those odd hours. Never regretted going that extra mile to keep in touch with you. Thank you yah! Eheh.
Wow Sing Yieng's leaving in 6 days. I seriously can't believe she won't be around anymore after 6 days. Seems surreal after having her around me for......forever? Ahahaha. Sigh...part of growing up I guess. Everyone's so 'old' now. Dreading the day. Dreading it. Dreading it.
I think Jason Mraz's voice is really sexy. Okay la maybe not sexy SEXY....it's pleasant sexy. Owh crap. I like his songs. XD
My cousins are currently calling me Frodinia. The female equivalent to Frodo the Hobbit. It was bad enough that they've been calling me a Hobbit. Now I have a name. -_-'''
I want a beach vacation. Like really bad. XS
Jesse McCartney is super cute. Too bad he sounds like a pipsqueak.
I wanted to put up some pics but photobucket ain't nice to me today. X(
I think I'll go shopping tomorrow. XD
Monday, February 06, 2006
My life is dramatic. Or at least I make it dramatic. I think too much for my own good. I make myself upset for reasons that shouldn't even be. I'm a confused lil girl deep down. One moment so confident, standing tall and the next consumed by insecurities, crouching down in a corner weeping. Sometimes I wonder if I can EVER make up my mind. Why must certain things matter so much? Why don't I ever learn? That things come and go. That not all things go according to your perfect lil plan. Why must it matter that much? Can I ever be good enough for myself? Will there be a day where I'll finally stop proving myself to others? Will I ever start thinking for myself instead of others? Just stop expecting. Stop hoping. Stop dreaming. Stop thinking. Stop giving. Stop trusting. Just stop stop stop everything.Can't you see it where it leaves you all the time?
How on earth do some people offer you something so precious and take it all back leaving without a trace and expect you to be okay with it?
Why do things get so complicated when it is indeed so clear and simple?
Why do I ask so many questions when I know there'll never be an answer?
This is an sudden burst of EMO post. Don't mind me. I'm sane and eating well.
Just wanted to put this up coz I've been listening to it quite often these few days. I've loved the melody from the very first time I've heard it. Never did try to understand the lyrics though till a certain someone told me it was about escapism and a dead man (?). Nevermind the dead man. Here's one song we all can relate to. One way or the other.
Tears and Rain....
How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
I love James Blunt.
But my all time favourite would be this...
Goodbye My Lover...
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be.
I've seen you cry,
I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I think he's brilliant. Sigh.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
I finally got to rest today. Gosh my bones are aching. Like seriously aching. It hurts alot even when I twitch a little.Went for buffet lunch at Equatorial Hotel today. I'll never eat fish ever again. Heh. Oh it was a Jap Buffet. So lotsa cod fish, lotsa salmon. *burpppp*
Was suppose to DotA with my cousins today but my bones were telling me no so I came back home to nap instead. A much needed one. Woke up and went online.
So here I am.
You know what? A thought just hit me. My life is pretty fulfilling. I have almost everything I want and I meet really really nice people. I'm so grateful. When I think about the amount of people that truly love me for who I am and the memories I have with them well.... I just can't be thankful enough. Thank you for accepting me and calling me a friend. It means alot to me. To belong, to be accepted. No words can express how I feel. Thank you.
As a child I had a rough time trying to fit in. I was the ugly duckling. No one would give two cents about how I felt. Nobody even acknowledge that I have feelings too. Nobody cared. And there was I a child of 11 thinking how dreadful life would be. Prepared to be the only one who loved me. (aside from my parents of course) Well I'm a lucky ugly duckling. And I have so many people to thank. People who showed kindness and acceptance to this lil duckling. I know this sounds awfully cheesy but you guys made me feel like a swan. Thank you for guiding me, teaching me, and being by my side. Some of you may not remember me, some of you may have drifted, some of you no longer in the same circle, some of you still by my side checking on me once in awhile. I thank all of you. Truly and deeply.
And because I appreciate, the love in my heart for all of you will never end. I will not let it simply because I will never abandon those who have been kind to me. It's the least I can do.
I'm feeling mighty sappy now. Shed a tear or two. Overwhelmed.
I love you.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
I am kaput-ed. Phew! What a long long day. I woke up to my mom's anxious screaming this morning. Yesh I said morning. She woke me up in the MORNING. Like @#!#$!$@#$@!!@ right? And I slept at 6 am the night before. Yesh I'm insane. Ahahahahah. Anyway it was because my relatives were coming over to visit and my mom didn't want us to be still sleeping when they came over. Well of course she didn't. Who would want their offsprings to be portrayed as oinkers? But of course me being the very filial daughter I am dragged muh' heavy arse outta bed. *grumble grumble grumble*My mom was really cute. You see it's not often that the Tan household gets visitors because well....we usually do all the visiting. So on the very few occasions where we actually get visitors(and my pals don't count) my mom gets really hyper. She makes sure the house is spic and span, she makes sure everything looks presentable...including us, her offsprings. Yeaps. Anyway it went well la. Thank goodness they only stayed for awhile. They continued their visiting spree and my parents tagged along.
Anyway my point is.....I only had 5 hours of slumber! @!#!@#$!#$@!?!?!
Anyway I picked SY up and we went to Sunway Pyramid to meet up with Xin Yi and Joo. Awwwwww.....how I've missed them. I was so happy to see Xin Yi that I ran like a madwoman to give her Amelia Huggies! Hope I didn't knock you too hard darling. Heh. It was just so great to see them. XY is soooo stylo mylo now. Ahahahaah. And Joo actually carries a handbag like thingy. XY actually swears now. Owwwhhhhh!! Universal finger and all! @_@''' And she says 'fuk' which is f**k in Irish. My goodness!
And today's bonus was that I got to see my baby boo! Wheeeee!! Although most of the time were spent catching up with the girls it was still great to see him again after almost 2 weeks of absence. I didn't even realise how much I miss him. I mish yew bee. I weally do. XD
We girls went shopping. I bought a pair of beach bermudas and a tank from MNG! Yeay! I love the tank. So pweety. XD
Then Kenny darling belanjed minum at Starbucks. He bought us all Grande size drinks. Argh. Joo was so cute. She got the milk based caramel frap. Ugh. Poor her looked so tortured trying to finish the drink. I nearly puke trying to finish my Rhumba Frap. Grande sized milk based drinks are so not happening.
After the minum session it was time to head back so I asked SY to drive cos I hate driving on the ldp. Actually I just hate driving altogether. Pfffbbbbtttt!!
Dropped SY. Drove back home. Mom announced we're going over to Gong Gong's for dinner. Poor Amelia couldn't even shower. Poor Amelia swept off into the car with a bag of clothes. Poor Amelia didn't even get to rest.
Reached K1A and crazy cousins started bugging Poor Amelia to gamble. Poor Amelia wanted to sleep so bad. Dinner wasn't fancy. Watched MTV with crazy cousins. Crazy cousins want really bad to gamble. Poor Amelia dragged to the gambling table. Poor Amelia won 5 bucks. Poor Amelia wants to tidur. Poor Amelia slept on couch. Woke up and won 20 bucks because invested 1 buck in cousin. Happy. Whine to parents. Balik.
Yesh. That's my entire day. Maddening hectic. And I'm bringing my tally wally baby cousins out for a movie tomorrow. And prolly a few rounds of pool. And maybe a session of rock climbing.
Die.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oyeah....Hewo Elly! I've missed chatting with you too. Errr...Elly the Belly is a really special dood. No serious. You are. I'm really glad to have met you (though not in person la). You're a nice smart chap so do yourself good kays? Take care cos I care. XD
Happy now Elly?
Alright...time to hit the sack. Ciaos lovely people of the world.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Hmm...today's the first day since Chinese New Year that I got to sleep in and have nothing to do later on. Nice.*grins* I like to laze around once in awhile. I've been out alot and it has been loadsa fun but there's nothing I like better to do than laze around at home after being a buzzing bee for almost a week. Heh.February is a great great month for me. It all started in mid-January and it's getting better for me each day. I'm happy and I like myself. I like the way I'm feeling NOW. I like how everything is in place. A feeling that I lost for quite sometime. Something that I forgotten but somehow someway, it's all coming back. Second chance maybe? I don't know. All I know is I'm loving every moment of this. Yesh I am.
I feel reborned. Yeah I know that sounds a lil crappy but that's how I feel. It's this exciting exhilarating feeling that I'm feeling. Like I'm ready for anything new to come my way. And also it's the realization that new exciting things CAN still come my way. I like.
I guess it's a good thing that Uni's starting. I could really use this feeling to hype me to do good in Uni. XD Time to meet new interesting people. Let's hope there are. Ahahahah.
Sing Yieng's leaving in 13 days. Gosh time flies! And I haven't seen the girl since Chinese New Year. If you're reading this Spazzy, I'm demanding more outings with you before you fly off and I'll have it no other way you hear me? And I don't care if you're tired. XP
Lotsa things going thru my head. Some exciting and some confusing. But I'm not fretting. Naww...not anymore. Life is too short.
Cheers to everyone. I'm all smiley today.
I love you people.
..What About Amelia?..
Because this blog needs an introduction
Here goes!
I'm 40% mature, 30% child-like
10% fashionista, 8% dork
6% klutzy, 3% dreamer
2% blur, 1% hero x)
I also want to marry John Mayer
And oh, I want a pet unicorn too x)
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