....It's The Lil' Things That Make Life Sweet....

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I can't believe I watched KungFu Hustle again. Geezers! But then my dad had 4 GSC cinema vouchers so mom decided to make use of it and watch KungFu Hustle since it's the only show my dad would actually watch and not fall asleep. He feel asleep while watching LOTR!! Well watching it again was a lil potong stim-ing but then hey it's not often the whole family gets to go to the movies together so I guess it's all worth it. Quality family time. Heh.

Anyway I went to Metrojaya in Mid Valley and I bought this top which was orginally RM90 for RM18!!! I couldn't believe it when the salesgirl told me it was only RM18!!! And it's a designer brand too. I think. Some brand I've never heard of but then it was on the same rack as other designer brands. Ahh who cares! It's only RM18!!! And it's cute too!! At first I saw this Dolce & Gabana skirt which was priced at RM890. Oh btw all items on the rack are discounted at 80%. But anyway the skirt was still blardy expensive even after the discount. I'd still have to fork out RM200++ for it. No way am I gonna spend that much cash on just ONE skirt. But it's a lovely skirt larr. Sigh. Anyway I bought another top from MNG. Wheeee!!! Ewww...me sound so bimbo-ish today. Teehee!

Oyeah my greatest condolence to those who suffered from the earthquake and tidal wave. Life seems so fragile and uncertain sometimes. One moment you're picnicking and having the time of your life and the next moment you're gone. And to imagine I was in Penang only a few weeks ago. Life is fated. I feel so blessed that my time is not up yet. I still have so much I want to do and so much I want to see. It made me realise that life is too short to dwell on petty stuff. Live life to the fullest. Experience it all!! Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do now.

Live! :)

melia signed out with love @ 11:30 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Here are the pictures from yesterday's Christmas Dinner. :) Down memory lane they go!

At D'Fortune......

Da gurls.... :)

Da Food...Spagetthi Arabitta, Lamb Chop, and Chicken Cordon Bleu.. :P

Sing Yieng with her Spag, Me and Chenn with our Cordon Bleu and Pui Yee digging in her Lambie.

At mah home....:)

Yieng and Chenn...

Pui Yee, Me and Chenn...with the pinkie pillow I bought Sing Yieng.

Dynamic Duo... ;) .... Me showing off the lipgloss I bought PY.

Baby Gurl and Me posing with her new pressie from Moi! Darn I want that pillow back!!!

Pretty gurl Chenn holding her new handbag and card that I made her. :) I'm so talented! Teehee!!

Group pic courtesy of Raymond Kor kor! I love my fwends...Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

End.

melia signed out with love @ 1:45 AM (0) earthling(s) farted

Monday, December 27, 2004

Had a Christmas Dinner with my gurls today. I thought it was really nice. Ahh I really can't describe how I feel about today. I thought that I needed it. That today's outing was necessary. Somehow some way.

In the afternoon Sing Yieng drove all four of us to this hair saloon, APT where she and Pui Yee got a hair cut which was much needed. They looked good in their new do. At least they look different, which is always good. Then we dressed up in Pui Yee's house and later went for dinner at D'Fortune. After makan we all went over to my place to exchange pressies. Opened a bottle of fruit wine and we had some chocs. I don't know but I felt really pleasant then. Very warm and cosy and well cuddly too. Ahahahaha. I love the presents they gave me. Chenn gave me this really nice bracelet, Sing Yieng gave me a pretty wallet, Pui Yee gave me this funky wunky water bottle, and Kei Kei (SY's cousin) gave me a pair of puppy headed slippers which are super adorable! I love all my pressies! And Chenn even included a note in her pressie. Ehe! I love notes! Thanks Chenn!!!

Christmas this time is indeed more special. I guess it's because I get to do things I never did before and the people seemed more special now.

I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy now. :)

melia signed out with love @ 1:18 AM (1) earthling(s) farted

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Ahhh it's Christmas at last! Oh wheeeee it has been fun! This is the funnest Christmas ever. Yeaps! Christmas Eve Dinner was heaven. Turkey, turkey ham, sherpard's pie, pork ribs, chicken wings, fried chicken, pasta, apple crumble, cheesecake, black forest cake, nachos and dip, assorted cookies, chocolate! Woohooo!! Everyone say hello to my ballooning belly! Great dinner! Great wine too! *Hic hic hic*

Ehehehe so far I've received 2 tops, 1 hand bag, 1 purse, 1 bracelet and 1 watch. I'm getting more tomorrow!! Wheeeeeeee!!!

Today I went to 1U with da gurls. Watched Phantom of the Opera again. Darn...it IS draggy the second time around! But I still love the songs though. Went to MNG later to get a top. Darn I know I said I'm guiltily broke but the temptation was just TOO great!! Going to Pyramid's MNG soon. Hope their collection would be more organised!

Ahhhh this whole week has just been great! I feel so happening now. Ahahhahahah! I'm going out almost everyday and I'm never bored! I love my gurls!! Wheeeeee!!! You guys are the bomb!!!

Ahhhh....Merry Christmas everyone and have a blessed one...;)

Mistletoes anyone? ;D

melia signed out with love @ 11:59 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Thursday, December 23, 2004

I just received a parcel. It looked all white and mysterious. And to top that off my address was written in a handwritting I didn't recognised! Suspense was building up. I was beginning to get suspectible of the parcel. 'What could it be?', I thought. Was I in danger of getting infected with some strange virus? Was there a dead rat in the parcel (ala chinese series) ?

Nahhhhhhhhh actually I was blardy happy that there was a parcel for me! I never received a parcel before!! With my name on it! Is that like uber cool or what? So I brought it to my room where Sing Yieng was admiring the new bikini I bought her in Penang. I opened the messy wrapping that I guessed was once neat but due to the rough handling by the postal department turned crumpled, to reveal a gold paper box. Under Sing Yieng's watchful eyes, I opened the lid of the box and in it was a white cap with a lil note. My first Christmas gift! From Bryan! It was such an 'awwwwwwwwwwwww' moment and it was totally unexpected of him. It was so sweet. Apparently he was walking around and saw this stall selling hats and he saw one cap ( that cap) which looked like the one I lost in Genting recently. I was touched. I felt so....appreciative and appreciated. Ahhhhhh....my heart smiled. :) I have great thoughtful friends. ;)

This whole week has been superb. Seems like a very happening week too! I watched Phantom of the Opera (credit goes to Kenny for watching it again with me) and I'm totally hooked to the music. Then I got a haircut that cost my mom a bomb in KLCC (credit goes to dearest mama for being so generous). Afterthat I coloured my hair (credit goes to Pui Yee and Shwu Chenn for being professionals at hair colouring) in Pui Yee's house and it was way fun having an all girls thingy.

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Ahhh..miss having a slumber party now. We took quite a few (45 shots) pics of Chenn. That girl is now a certified photoslut like me and PY. Eheheheh!

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And oh, Sing Yieng came back yesterday and today we went to Sunway Pyramid to watch Kung Fu Hustle with Kenny and Joo Joo. Darn I actually missed that girl. Kinda weird not having her around for the holidays for almost two weeks. Hear that girl? I actually missed ya! Happy or not? Anyway today was really fun. At least for me. It's great having a car. I get to go wherever whenever I want. After the movie we sent Kenny back home. Then we went to Aman Puri to have lunch. Then went back to my house to show SY my Christmas tree and then proceeded to Chenn's house so that SY can have a look at her curly wurly hair do! We chatted there for awhile which I thought was really nice. :) Oh btw thanks gurl for the HP cover and the HP pouch. They're darn cute! I love the pouch!

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Darn they plan to go shopping tomorrow and I can't go!! Darn darn darn! MNG's on sale!!!! Arghhh!!!

Tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Wow...Christmas is here already! Sing yer jingles everyone! Christmas is finally here!! Wheeeeee!!

Me happy wappy.

melia signed out with love @ 9:30 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Yay I got to watch Phantom Of The Opera! Finally! Yay yay yay! And true enough it didn't dissapoint. Well maybe some part of the acting were a little bland but go there for the music and songs! The music made it all worth it. Beautiful voices and mesmerizing songs. I might even watch it again. Just to listen to Christine sing. Her voice is so beautiful. I felt like singing and dancing with her in the cinema. This is a good movie. Yeap. Go watch it if you haven't. :) The music will blow you away!

I'm gonna get a haircut tomorrow. Darn I'm scared. What if it turns out horrible? *cross fingers*
I can only pray that it'll turn out okay. I seriously need a haircut.

melia signed out with love @ 7:16 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Friday, December 17, 2004

Ahhh...just came back from a yum char session with an old friend. Boy this is the first time I'm back so late from a yum char session. We spent 4 hours there just crapping and catching up. I haven't seen him in a very very long time. And to think I use to see him everyday in school. Ahhh how time flies. I never realised how much I missed him till today. I still remember the time he use to play chauffeur after his SPM, insisting to drive me back from school everyday. That was really sweet. I had so many fun times with him and he never failed to make me laugh with his very very lame jokes. And behind his very laidback clown-ish demeanor is a very thoughtful and serious dood who sets his priorities right. I've always respected him as a person. Because I knew he wasn't as shallow as everyone thought. He was truly a great pal.

It's great to keep in touch with old friends. He is one old friend I want to keep in touch with for as long as time permits.

Hooboy, me darn sleepy....*yawns*

melia signed out with love @ 1:24 AM (0) earthling(s) farted

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Pictures anyone? :) Here are some pics from the Genting and Penang trips. I'm only uploading a few. If you wanna see more you know where to find me. ;)

Genting Pics

On the Solero Space Shot! Veni, Me and May! Wheeee!!!!

The Killer Cup Ride! This was before we starting twirling our brains out! Shan, Me and Sing Yieng.

Group Pic! S2 family. Well half of it. :) From top clockwise: James, Daniel (May's Bro), May Suan, Gaik Cheng, Ee Jye, Amelia, Veni, Shantini, Xin Yi.

Another group pic! From Left: Veni, Ee Jye, Daniel, Kenny, Gaik Cheng, Shan, James, May and Me!

Penang Pics

Ian, Sean and I capturing the moment!

Mah baby cousins! Ee Ven and Ee Ping. Oh looky, Ms. Rainbow wants to be in the picture too! Lovely sight!

Our resort. Beautiful eh? Ian, Me, Jensen, Big Bro Raymond, and Sean.

Sunset in Penang. Gor gor, Me, Ee Ping and Sean.

Walking back to shore from the Banana Boat ride. I love the view in the pic. :)

Nice palm tree. Taken in the evening. Paradise.

Cousins Unite! The 7 of us had a blast in Penang! I love my cousins!

End. :D

melia signed out with love @ 4:51 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Phew! Just finished wrapping all ze pressies! Very tiring. I hunched for 2 hours! I can feel a backache coming up. Very pleased with my pressie wrapping skills! Yay! Me feeling very happy wappy now!

And oh look people! A new layout! Especially for Christmas! Say hi to Mr. Bumbleweather, the very blur looking snowman. Yesh I get to name him because I drew him! Hah! On paint! Hah! I'm so talented! Another HAH! Ain't Mr. Bumby just adorable? An lookit that boo-ti-ful Christmas tree next to him. Ain't that the cutesiest Christmas tree you've ever seen? Oh I'm so happy wappy right now.

I feel like singing!

melia signed out with love @ 1:46 AM (1) earthling(s) farted

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

I'm officially broke. Thanks to Christmas shopping. Darn, this is the first time I spent so much money on others and almost none on myself! Ahahah how weird. But I love all the gifts I bought. I spent hours choosing them! I hope they'll like it. :) They better! Cause I'm broke for the month. :( Can't do anymore shopping for myself. But spending a lil more just to see them smile and making them happy makes being flat broke all worth it. :D Afterall this is the season of giving.

I'm so excited! Gonna wrap all my pressies tonight and personalized them. Yay! Time to make people feel special! I love making people feel special because feeling special is such a great feeling. And being able to do that gives you such great satisfaction and contentment.

I love Christmas. :)

Oyeah thanks Chenn for watching Ocean's Twelve with me. Brad Pitt is soooooo friggin hot! Gagagagagagagagagagaga!!!

melia signed out with love @ 6:07 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Sunday, December 12, 2004

I have returned. With arms so sore and legs so bruised. Nevertheless Penang was wonderful. Wonderful is infact an understatement. Penang is paradise. I never expected Penang to be so boo-ti-ful. That's right. It's beauuuuutiful. Every part of it is beautiful. The resort, the town, the apartments, the roads, the people, EVERYTHING! I'm in love with Penang. I wished I stayed there longer. I wouldn't even mind living there for the rest of my life.

We stayed at the Golden Sands Resort. A superb resort. So lovely at night it almost seemed magical. And they serve really really good food. They served lamb! My favourite dish! So many different dishes of lamb! Ohhhhhh bliss!!!

The pools there are so cool. They even have a 3 metres deep pool! How cool is that! I came back with a tan. So I'm brown now. I'm so happy! No more looking like I'm bloodless. And trust me, this time the tan was successful. No more looking like an unfried chicken. I'm brown for real now! The poolside was heaven. Just lying there soaking in the sun, with the sea breeze tickling you face, it was heaven. I felt so calm and so relax. Like everything was perfect. *sigh* :) It's a different feeling when you sit on the benches facing the sea at night. With lights dimmed, palm trees swaying, cool ocean breeze grazing your face, and the sounds of ocean waves crashing the shore....so romantic. Yesh. Penang is romantic. Great place for a honeymoon. Really! *double sigh*

Guess what? I went jet skiing and para-sailing! It's uber cool! I went on the jet ski twice! The first time was really fun and relaxing. The second time was maddening. My cousin was driving the jet ski like a mad man! We were like gliding on the water at maximum speed and it was sooooo bumpy!! I nearly fell off the boat so many times cause I couldn't hold on to him because my hands weren't long enough to hug his entire body. So my fingers kept on slipping! And he refused to let me drive cause he said he was freaked when I drove the ski at full speed! So being the older one it was my duty to protect my lil cousin thus letting him freak the life out of me. Phew! And guess what, in the end we really did fall into the sea. Ahahahah cool! I swam in the Straits of Malacca!! Thank God for the life jackets. It was all my cousins fault. Stoopid blur boy was looking behind and the whole ski just tipped over! It was really exciting. I was so afraid of getting stung by jellyfishes! But it was exciting! Hehehehe! I fell into the deep sea! How many people can do that eh?

Then there's parasailing! It soooooo cool! The view from high up is so beautiful. You can practically see the whole of Penang from up there. And the thrill is just great! It was really scary with the parachute rocking to the wind. Feels like you're gonna topple over and fall right into the sea! I wish I could do it again. It feels like you're flying! Now I've seen what birds see everyday! Woohooo!!

Later we went on the Banana Boat which was suppose to be a leisure ride. Hooboy was I dead wrong! The speed boat went at normal speed at first and my cousins and I were just screaming for the fun of it. Apparently the dood driving the speed boat gotta kick out of us screaming and drove at a maddening speed!! It was soooooooooo fast and sooooo bumpy! And all four of us screamed like mad people! The fear was real! Ahahaha but it was fun! Really fun. The adrenaline rush! Bump! Bump! Bump!

Penang somehow reminded me of a Malaysian version of San Francisco and Las Vegas. It's so pretty at night. And some parts of it even looked like Bangsar. :) I didn't get much there. Just some souvenirs for my pals. Didn't really have the time to shop.

I really wish my dad extended our stay. I would have been able to do more shopping there. And we wouldn't need to rush like every second mattered. But it was fun. Really fun. I truly enjoyed this vacation! One of the best I've ever been to! But one night's stay at the resort cost a whooping RM 550! So I guess I understand why dad thought 2 nights was more than enough. Heh. :)

I love Penang!

I'm definitely going again! I insist!!!

melia signed out with love @ 8:17 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Thursday, December 09, 2004

I'm going to Penang tomorrow with my family and cousins. It's gonna be really fun. I can already predict. It's gonna be all about fun, fun, fun and did I say fun? Yeah. :) Sun, sand and the beach. Hopefully a booo-ti-ful one. :) Nothing like a beach vacation to spice up da holidays eh. Yay I'm finally getting my beach vacation! Woot!

Hopefully after Penang, everything will go on pretty well for me. I want to spend the rest of this year without anymore crap problems. Enough for the year eh? Honestly, I'm pretty confident that everything will be great and that I'm gonna spend my Christmas and New Year with happy people. Eheh. And I'll be one of those happy people too. Hope I'm not jinxing myself but I really cannot see how things can go wrong again. If they must, then I guess they must wait till next year then. :)

I went through my blog and I realised that I can now proclaim to the world that I have been through ups and downs. For real this time! Highest of the highest and lowest of the lowest. And I also realised how much I've gained through these periods. I'm rebonding with my old buddies and we're once again more significant in each other's lives. Something that has been missing in my life for quite awhile. I also realised how much my college friends mean to me and how much they've touched my heart. They're a lovely bunch of people. I also got to know myself better. I've discovered sides of me that I never knew existed before. And this will help me grow. I'm no longer so naive and so gullible. I am prepared to watch myself take another step further.

Everything is settled. Everything seems so perfect now. Christmas has never been this fun and exciting. So many more people to share the joy with. Stronger bonds and greater understanding. What a Christmas this will be! :D

melia signed out with love @ 8:54 PM (2) earthling(s) farted

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Aloha! I'm back from the land of the highlands and I'm so so so worn out. Beat. Tired. And almost dead. :) I had fun in Genting. I really did. I was so looking forward to go with a group of friends. And when I reached there I just went super hyper. I was so happy even words can't describe. I was singing and bouncing around. I was just perky, perky and perky! I love being like that. I love feeling like that. It was really pleasant.

We did the usual stuff. Shopped, walked around, went to the theme park, played games, fooled around and all the typical stuff. But then I didn't go there for all those. I went there because I wanted to spend time with my friends. To bond and just have fun with them. Having their presence and company was really enough. If I were to choose one part in the whole trip that I thought was the most meaningful time spent, it would have to be the time when all 12 of us gathered in my room, all crammed up like a happy can of sardine. I truly had fun then. Just lying on each other on the bed, talking and laughing. I could feel the warmth and togetherness. Right then I've found what I seeked. I didn't even mind eating out in the corridor. Actually it was lovely. The happiness was overwhelming.

I got to know them better after the trip. I felt like I did. Those who weren't as close became close and those who were close became closer. Ahahah. I truly appreciate everybody's company. It would have made such a difference if one of them couldn't make it. It wouldn't have been as fun.

Although the whole trip wasn't smooth sailing for me but this time the happier times overpowered the bad ones. Even the bad times don't seem so bad anymore. At least something good came out from it. This is a first for me. And I'm so glad.

And oh I went to a club. Quite a feat eh? Lol. But it wasn't really my scene but nevertheless it's still a club. So I've officially went clubbing! Now how about that? :D

I have many things to be glad for after this trip. Not only have I had genuine fun, I no longer have secrets. At least someone knows now. At least I'm no longer in this alone. Thanks for listening and thanks for being there for me. You take care of yourself. May that be your first priority in life. You've seen how wrong it can go. I'm an excellent example. Don't ever make that mistake. Don't make my mistake. Be strong and find that alternative path and solution that I've failed to take. You can still save yourself. And I hope you will. I'll always be here when you need me. Just like you were always there for me when I needed someone.

The trip to Genting was overall fun. The times spent together was really nice and pleasant. And nothing negative is ever gonna make me disregard that. Not anymore. Happy moments shall always and will always remain as just happy moments. :) Simple.

Can't wait to see the pictures!! La la la la la!!

I have so many Christmas pressies to get!! I need to work fast!!

melia signed out with love @ 9:57 PM (0) earthling(s) farted

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Yikes! I'm a drama queen am I not? Ahahaha. Pui Yee, you're right. I am an emotional nutcase these days! Like I blog so rajin-ly every day proclaiming to the world how miserable I am. How the very dramatic eh? You're right when you said you feel not to be overly concern everytime I blog. You really need not. Just need a place to vent mah. You know right?

Thanks Pui Yee and Shwu Chenn for the trip to 1 Utama today and thanks for listening to me blab endlessly about my problems. Thanks for knowing me so well and understanding. Thanks for your advice and support. They helped so much. We really did grow up together eh? Glad we still are. I know my mistake and you guys were blardy right! Never gonna repeat my mistake again. Don't want you guys to knock me on the head. Passed another stage and have learnt a whole lot from it. Bet you guys learnt something too eh? Keep yer guards up baybeh!! Eheh. You guys are just great. Fantabulous. I can always be myself when I'm around you guys. I don't need anything for Christmas. You guys have showered me with the bestest gift ever. Can never be grateful enough. ( That was just a figure of speech lah...I don't mind getting pressies! Nyaks!!)

Yes, once again I've learnt something new. Geezers, life is a never-ending test. You pass one phase and you learn from it. And then you're tested again. It forces you to deal with matters and forces you to mature. Whether you like it or not. I can complain and whine all I want but deep down I know it's what I have to go through to become the person I want to be. I can't say it's a pleasant journey but I understand the necessity of it. So bear with it I shall!

I've just realised that I'm blardy emotional and dramatic when I'm sad and depressed. Scary with a capital S!!

One thing though, I'm happy that I don't always dwell on my problems. After bloggin, I'm usually back to my happy self. I thank God that he did made me somewhat carefree. At least I know after a storm, there'll always be sunlight. :)

I bought a top from F.O.S today. I liked it alot. It says 'No to Cages!' which means quite alot to me. Ehe. It's no fun to be caged! Another one says 'Done with Love'. Wanted to get it but I thought it was unecessary. Proud of me. Eheh. I've accomplished something so fast! Yay to me!

Guess what, the 3 of us became thieves today. Stoopid Wh thought we stole one of their tops and demanded to check our bags!! I was so blardy pissed. Don't then know any manners? The least they can do is to be polite. Afterall the customer is ALWAYS right! And implying that we stole something? That was just too much. So degrading and so so insulting. I understand that it's a procedure, I'm not unreasonable. I was just not pleased with their attitude and their scowls. So so rude! PY became a drama queen and demanded for an apology. I wanted to say something too but that gurl stole my limelight! Woi give chance also larr!! I wanna marah marah also ma!! Ehe. We felt much better after that. Would have felt better if we gave them hell but we're nice people right? :) Don't wanna stoop to their lousy level.

Chenn bought 3 tops. Quite a feat eh? Shopping is a great cure. I was like possessed or something. Ahahahah! Anyway she looked really sweet in those tops I chose! Ahahahahah!!

It's been a fine day and it was all because of the two great girls who's always by my side.

:D

melia signed out with love @ 5:00 PM (1) earthling(s) farted

Friday, December 03, 2004

What am I? Why don't I seem to know myself anymore? I'm morphing into a heartless creature. Maybe I've given up hope on having a heart. Maybe being cruel and mean is the way to life. The only way to protect myself from getting hurt. I'm bitter and I'm always angry. To top that off my emotional whirlwinds are at it's peak now. Even my best friends notice. An emotional nut they call me. And it's true.

These days I've been feeling things I shouldn't feel and saying things I shouldn't even utter. Do I even have a conscience now?

Kind, generous, caring, understanding, tactful. All I've wanted to be. All I portrayed to be. I've always thought that I cared for others more than I cared for myself. I believed in it and I was proud of it. BULLSHIT. It's all bullshit. I guess I was NEVER that person. How can I even justified what I've done? Or what I've felt.

It disgust me to think of what went inside my head. Why is this happenning? I'm selfish and I'm tactless. All that I never wanted to be. All that I was once not.

I'm no fun to be around anymore. I make people worry. I can't make them happy anymore. I can't even make myself happy. All I have is regret. But it's too late. I've already done what I should not have done.

I don't deserve so much. It's a joke now to think that I yearn for that much. I no longer can yearn for the attention I want. Simply because I don't deserve it. I just don't fit.

It hurts to think that nobody cares. Deep down you know they do but your mind refuses to believe it. It pains me to think that way. Where have I gone wrong? Where?

I've destroyed all that I've ever believed in. I've ruined it with my bare hands.

Jealousy, anger, disappointment, left-out, unworthy, unloved.....all this bitter thoughts.....

Bitter thoughts that will destroy me further.

How did I do this to myself?

All I can say is that I'm sorry. Sorry for all I've done. If it makes you feel better, I'm hurting just as much.

I just want to be happy. I just want to be carefree and fun. I just want to be what I used to be.

And no amount of tears can bring that back.

melia signed out with love @ 7:18 PM (1) earthling(s) farted

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Promises are made to be kept. Expectations are meant to be fulfilled. Cutting it off at the very last minute causes much disaster. Disappointment and anger. Just when I thought today was gonna be swell.

Oh well petty petty stuff. Shouldn't bother too much. They don't deserve my attention anyway. Better off indulging in chocolate. Ahhhh bliss. At least it's something I know that won't disappoint. :) Cadbury rocks mah belly!

It's Christmas and I'm gonna be all about joy and laughter. Put all messy stuff aside and indulge in the Christmas spirit and cheer! What better way to cure angst and pain than a dash of Christmas joy? From now on it's Christmas carols and Christmas paraphernalia! Nothing else but the spirit of giving and receiving.

Give give give and expect nothing in return. :) That's the way it should be.

People it's Christmas!!

melia signed out with love @ 5:17 PM (2) earthling(s) farted

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Once again I manage to screw up life again. How, I do not know but I sure do know I've once again succeeded in feeling as low as low can go. The question is always why? But this time I know why. The answer to why is right in front of my face. Smacked right in front of it infact. And I don't know what to do. Even if I do, I don't want to do anything. I'm too tired. I'm so sick of fixing things and mending it again. Everytime I mend something broken, a bigger hole seems to appear challenging me so see if I fall. I simply cannot do this anymore. I just want to live. Just live. Without any problems. Just me and my simple life. I don't need anything fancy. I might even settle for a boring life. I don't care anymore. I just want my mind to rest for once.

Today I feel like a stranger. To myself. I don't know myself today. I don't know what I was thinking, how I was feeling or who I was. I just didn't know. I seemed normal. I could mingle and I could laugh and joke around. I could do everything I use to do. But I was not me. Like I was a body without a spirit. I was spiritless today. I'm so messed up. I hate being like this. Being so confused when the answer is already given. Why must I complicate my life?

I wish I could go back to school. I wish I never started college. I wish I was still as carefree and innocent. I wish I had no exposure to any of this. I don't care if I didn't grow up. I don't care if I experienced anything less. But then saying I don't care would mean I'm lying.

I want to be happy again. I want myself back. I don't like feeling miserable. Why must life give me something and take back so much? Why make me soar so high only to let me fall to the ground? Must I learn from all these? Is this the only way to grow? Must everything be a lesson? Then can I choose not to learn? I rather be shielded from all these. Sigh. I don't even like how I sound. So whiny about life when others have been through much more than me. My matters are so trivial compared to theirs. But I don't want to think. I don't want to be rational. I'm sick of evaluating every single matter that surfaces in my life. I just want to let it all out. But I can't. I don't have the guts.

I'm so selfish. I expect so much from others only to disappoint myself when I can't get what I want. What about what they want? Have I ever thought about that? Yes I have but I'm never willing to act. I act so noble and so kind but yet I'm so evil. I'm a hypocrite. What right have I to demand when I can't even give? The world does not only revolves around me. Yet I'm sadden when things don't go my way. When my little perfect plan goes awfully wrong. I use to think that if all things go as the way I planned it, everything will be pure bliss. Everyone would be happy. Why, I'm a stinkin' megalomaniac! I pile on hopes and dreams and make myself happy and when they fall I'm crushed. Why do I even believe in hopes and dreams? Why do I even think that such things can last? Why do I do this to myself?

Tomorrow will be another day. Yes it will be another day. It might turn out well or it might be as sucky as a sucky day can be. It's an on-going circle. A never-ending one. A fact that I can never change.

Things can never stay the same.

Who's controlling my life?!!?

melia signed out with love @ 5:30 PM (1) earthling(s) farted

..What About Amelia?..

Because this blog needs an introduction
Here goes!

I'm 40% mature, 30% child-like
10% fashionista, 8% dork
6% klutzy, 3% dreamer
2% blur, 1% hero x)

I also want to marry John Mayer
And oh, I want a pet unicorn too x)

More self-absorbed information here!!

..Mood-o-meter..